


Dear Jaebeom

by Doublegyeoms



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Character Death, Family Feels, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Love Letters, M/M, War, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-11-25 17:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20916131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doublegyeoms/pseuds/Doublegyeoms
Summary: "Dear Jaebeom,I love you, i always will, in every lifetime.Forever,Jinyoung"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm back with another angst!!! I've been writing this (or not since I'm lazy) for months now and this is the time i post it for the world to see 😭 i was inspired by the title Dear John by Nicholas Sparks and coincidentally they have the same prompt/theme i guess kskjsksjskjsksjsksjskjsksjs I know nothing about war or how the soldier thingy works but i did my research (just a reminder that this is PURELY FICTIONAL so i do what i want and write what i want 😤) 
> 
> Happy Reading!!!
> 
> ❣ @doublegyeoms_ playlist ❣  
° Leaving on a jetplane  
° You are the reason  
° One Sweet Day  
° Lay me Down  
° 7 Years

**20th of May, 1969**

  
“So Yugyeom-ssi, as a well-known and respected author, can you please tell us what you feel about writing another hit this year after your successful book signing tour?” Yugyeom smiled— mostly abashed due to the host's way of stating his popularity, adjusting his clear glasses lightly as he spoke; “I still feel strange that there are people who like my books. To be completely honest with you, I only intended to write those books as a recollection, in hopes to remember me and my stories. So it’s an amazing feeling for me as an author to have so many readers who could somehow relate to my works.”

“You are indeed an absolute genius in writing. This time you manage to capture the essence of an old love story but what we really liked about it is the non cliché pairings that you have been known for. Is there any reason for you to specifically say a name on your title this time?”

“Well, this story revolves around them, especially around him. Dare I say this story _Is_ him.”

“really? Can you tell us what inspired you or motivated you to write this story? Is he somewhat a side of yourself that people haven’t known?”

“My inspiration..” He started off, smiling as he reminisced of what pushed him to write his newest novel.

“It’s actually very close to my heart, this book. Of all the novels I have been privileged to publish, this story is one that hits home.”

“Why so? Is it perhaps base on true events?”

“Yes.” He stated without hesitation. Yugyeom observed how the host knitted his eyebrows, leaning a bit closer as if asking yugyeom to continue.

“Can you tell us more about it so that our viewers who are new to your novels can have a little snippet?” the host asked, curiosity evident in his voice. Yugyeom just chuckled, readjusting his sitting position lightly as he continued.

“Of course. It’s a story about how love transcends life and time. How distance was never a reason for love to disappear. How in every fall, in every defeat, there'll always be a person who will welcome you with open arms. That there are people who can wait for as long as they live for someone. And that there are people who can love only one person for the rest of their life.

  
**_How one great love can truly happen once in a lifetime._**

* * *

  
**22nd of January, 1934**

  
Jaebeom stood in front of his doorstep, undecided. He wanted to come in, to perhaps see the man who lives inside the small house before going somewhere. He held the doorknob, as if readying himself to wake the probably still sleeping beauty— it was the crack of dawn so it wouldn’t surprise him if the younger is still off in dreamland. Although he didn’t want to disturb his sleep, he wanted to at least see him before going— perhaps to properly say his goodbye and to see him one last time. So with determined eyes, he opened the door; cracking it open as softly as he could. He is thankful enough that the other gave him a spare key for whenever he feels like running away from the world they live in and into the arms of what he considers home.

  
With the dim lit light lazily glowing from the corner of the tiny house, jaebeom made his way to his lover’s bedroom— making sure that he doesn’t make a single noise that could wake up and scare the younger. The man couldn’t hide the smile that spread into his lips as soon as he laid his eyes on the ethereal slumbering angel, an automatic response whenever he gets to see him.No matter how tired or troubled jaebeom can get, nothing will ever put him in so much ease than seeing his lover. With feather-light steps, jaebeom walked towards him, settling at the vacant spot that he can proudly say _‘his'._

Jaebeom took his time to admire the art that was his lover— his shield and sword, his heaven on earth, his annoyance and comfort. Tucking the stray strands of hair away from his beautiful face, jaebeom chuckled at the visible movement due to his touch— the way he scrunched his nose and knitted his eyebrows, how his lips formed into a cute pout even in his sleep.

Jaebeom would, and he will, give everything to keep him this peaceful— this serene.

That’s why he needed to go in the first place— to protect the most important person in his life.

  
**No.**

  
He needs to go, to protect him— **his life.**

He watched the slow and even breathing of the younger, his smile almost disappearing as he realized that his time will soon come to an end as the soft glow of reddish-orange hues slips through the blinds- his heart breaking with every tick of the clock.

“I love you.” He whispered, caressing the cheek of the other as gently as he could, tears nearly present in his eyes whilst their shared memories quickly invaded his thoughts and the years both have to endure until they can make another. The elder quickly wiped the pooling tears that were about to fall when the younger moved from his sweet sleep, soft noises erupting from his pouty lips as he stretched his body.

"You're awake..." Was all jaebeom could say as their eyes met. Although still a bit in dreamland, the other managed to give off a smile, extending his arms towards jaebeomlike he knows what the other wants— where jaebeom truly wants to be. It didn’t even fazed the younger, already used to having jaebeom come to his house whenever the elder feels lost. Jaebeom chuckled at his antics, nonetheless giving in as he let the younger's hands wrap around him. The soft sigh coming from the younger’s lips was all there was to prove that just being near each other give them the peace and contentment any material things or anyone can't give. Jaebeom caught the faint smell of yesterday’s shampoo, the scent mixing with his lover’s natural scent was enough to crave, to need, to want the younger near him now more than ever.

“Jinyoungie, I love you.” Jaebeom whispered, clutching jinyoung’s shirt tightly as he held his emotions at bay. It took jinyoung a while to process that the man was not in his usual outfits which were always comfortable and laid back but instead fitted into one that he uses whenever he goes to the camp, pouting as he sensed that the man has to leave yet again.

"Did the general asked you again?" Jinyoung spoke, almost whiny. The elder’s presence have been frequently asked for, maybe it was because he is known as agreatasset who have contributed to the victories they had. He have been awarded for his skills and dedication to protect his country— and he was happy about it, because he could protect jinyoung that way too. However, just like the saying great power comes with great responsibility, jaebeom knew that the responsibility of protecting the entire nation was a huge matter on their shoulders, not only to him but to the whole camp, that they would carry until retirement and that to him is years of service meaning years that he would have to go and leave jinyoung from time to time. The last time he went home was just 2 weeks ago after being in the battlefield for 3 or maybe even 4 years.

“Nyoungie.. you see-“

“So he did.” Jaebeom shut his lips, frowning at the tone jinyoung used. He knew the younger would know, jinyoung knew him through and through so there was really no use in trying to hide it from him.

“Why did he want you back so soon? I thought you said he gave you a month after you reupped for a year more?” He caught him whisper, almost as if afraid to ask what led jaebeom to depart once more.

"it’s true that he gave me a month but something happened around the camp. Said i had to fly one of the jet fighters since they needed back up."

Jinyoung's face suddenly turned anxious, it was one thing to know that your lover has to be in the battle field, but it was another when he knows that he needs to be up front. He have fought before, of course jaebeom had been up front for a couple of times. But during those times where jinyoung knew his lover would be leading the group that he worries the most, because being up front means you are the first target, thankfully; jaebeom never had any serious issue but some stitches and wounds that left scars.  
Only if the results would always be like that.

But it won’t.

There won’t be an assurance that jaebeom would manage to get out of the battlefield with only scratches and bruises.

There won’t be an assurance that jinyoung will be able to see him again if he let him go.

  
Not this time.

  
_Not this world war._

"Jaebeom-hyung.." Jaebeom could hear the worry in his voice, the fear in his eyes and the hesitation to let go of jaebeom that moment.  
And to be quite frankly, he felt the same way too.

So jaebeom did what he thought was best, to lean in and kiss him fully on the lips— letting it linger there for a few seconds, eyes set on his plump lips before looking up with a smile.

“I love you.” He whispered for the third time and he will say it as long as he could given the chance. Jinyoung’s vision blurred as jaebeom gave him chaste kisses, a sign of comfort they both learned through the years of being together.

“I love you. And I’ll do my best to come back home to you, to say I love you again.” He muttered softly in between kisses, using his strong arms to hoist himself up from jinyoung who was beneath him. By the time he was done talking, jinyoung was already crying silently— griping jaebeom’s arms like that would prevent him from leaving.

“_Please.. don’t cry.._

_don’t cry for when I leave, I will always come back. I **promise**_.”

Jaebeom spoke gently, resting beside jinyoung as he wiped the tears that were stubbornly falling from the younger’s already red eyes.

“So, can you tell me this jinyoungie…  
Tell me that you'll wait for me.”

Jinyoung sobbed, burying his face on the elder’s chest as he muffled the words; “I will, I'll wait for you no matter what. No matter how long I have to, I promise I’ll wait for you.”

Jaebeom choked a smile, nuzzling his nose atop of the younger’s head, misty eyes as he shut them close— savoring the feeling of holding jinyoung in this distance. Although he soon found himself hesitant of letting the younger go more than he expected himself to be once he heard the loud honking from the cab that was going to drive him to the port. He knew too well that when he let go of him now, it’ll be months, maybe even years, before he could do it again— **that or he never will.**

“I hate to go. I don’t want to leave you.” He whispered, almost shedding the tears that he have been fighting back since the beginning of the day.

“But you have to. You have a nation to serve, hyung.” Jaebeom watched as the younger looked up at him, a smile contradicting his red puffy eyes and rosy nose— a wavering smile of a brave lover who was about to send half of his life to a war with no guarantee that they will see each other again.

“I’ll always be proud of you for protecting our home, jaebeom-hyung. Thank you.” He whispered, planting one last kiss on the elder’s lips.

  
“You are my home.”

  
Jinyoung just smiled, cupping his face— thumbs involuntarily caressing it. They just stared into each other’s eyes, promise of waiting and coming back being exchanged without a single word before jinyoung spoke.

  
**_“Ditto.”_**

  
That was all it took for jaebeom’s tears to fall.

A simple word that held so much meaning.

“You have to go now, hyung. I’ll send you letters just like I always do.”

Jaebeom smiled albeit the tears that were falling. Hands gently and painfully unwrapping around the younger who was looking at him with glassy eyes despite his adoring smile.

“Please wait for me, jinyoung.” He spoke as jinyoung gave him that one smile jaebeom truly adores— eyes disappearing into an upside-down smile, eye whiskers on full view and lips curved into a soft smile.

  
“_Home will always be waiting for you, I’ll always do_.”

  
“I love you. You can sleep now, mi casa.” The elder whispered before completely letting go of jinyoung- his light, his love, his everything.

“I love you too, now and forever.” Jinyoung whispered, eyes slowly shutting close.  
That is how it always goes every time he has to leave. Jaebeom would visit at dawn and leave before the sun rises completely. He'll always tell jinyoung to go to sleep again, jinyoung would obliged- at least until he hears the engine fade before bursting into tears.

The reason, because jaebeom wanted him to think that he is only dreaming and that jaebeom would be back in no time.

That way he wouldn’t have to cry more.

That way jaebeom wouldn’t have to worry of having jinyoung sending him off and leaving him alone to go back to an empty house. He willed himself not to turn back for he knows that when he did, he'll never be able to set foot outside without breaking down into tears.

With one last glance, jaebeom planted his hand on the car's window— the house who held his home turning into silhouette from afar.

  
It was, yet again, time to leave **_Home._**

* * *

  
**4th of September, 1969**

  
Yugyeom peacefully admired the view from his windowsill, slender fingers wrapped around a cup of hot cocoa delicately— loving the contrast of warmth on his palm and the cool rain from his open window.

“There you are.” The man turned to the side, smiling softly as his lover’s face came to view.

“Hi.” He whispered before returning to what he was doing beforehand. There was a complete silence before he felt how arms wrapped around his waist from behind, how the soft and almost inaudible sigh escape, how his lover cuddled closer. Yugyeom hummed softly to a song that has been stuck in his head for a long time, abruptly stopping midway as he felt his emotions swirled up.

“Care to tell me what’s on your mind?”

He just chuckled, even until now, he still finds it amazing how they could practically feel each other’s emotion and thoughts- as if they have one mind and heart.

“It’s nothing really. I’m just enjoying the rainy scenery.”

“It’s near, _that day,_ isn’t it?”

Yugyeom stared down at his almost empty cup, the blurry and unrecognizable reflection of his face seen on the still liquid.

“Yeah. It is.” He mumbled quietly. He felt his lover pulled him closer, as if assuring him that he’s not alone when that day comes, not anymore.

“You know, it’s kind of funny. How they offered to make my book, that particular book of all the novels I’ve written, into a film.” He mused, finishing his cup after.

“well, isn’t it a great memento then?” He heard him say, turning yugyeom around to face him fully. Yugyeom was slumped down, the hem of his shirt starting to soak because of the wind blowing the droplets of rain towards the window he was leaning on— he didn’t mind, he probably would at any other day but not now.

“Is it?” the younger asked, voice small and full of doubt. Don’t get him wrong, he was overjoyed when film makers offered to create a movie adaptation of his novel. However, it felt to him like he was about to sell someone else’s life for fame and fortune.

So it was really a wake up call to him what his lover said afterwards, simple words that meant a lot to yugyeom.

“Of course. Like you said, you want to have something to be remembered of, something to remind them of what you once were. And of all, I know you want more than anything for the people to remember them; for you to remember them. This could be a way too.” He replied, taking the empty cup out of yugyeom’s hand.

“But… what if..”

“Come on gyomie. You know that’s never an issue. You are great, and I know _they_ know it too.” He smiled, placing a quick kiss on his lips that instantly made yugyeom smile as well.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” He jokingly asked, standing tall whilst wrapping his own arms around his lover.

“More than enough that it makes me question why you settled for someone like me.” Yugyeom lovingly stared down to him; making them both laugh at his response, smiling dearly at each other before yugyeom leaned in to give him a soft peck on the lips.

“I love you.”

“I know, I love me too.” Yugyeom rolled his eyes playfully as the other moved back, laughing at the look the younger was giving him.

“Way to ruin the romance, love.”

“Oh come on, you know I’m literally a mess when it comes to romance. But I love you, I love you more than you could ever imagine. So, are you ready to go?” The man reached out for yugyeom’s hand, the latter willingly giving his hand as they intertwined like it was the most normal thing to do.

Yugyeom used to write novels to quench his thirst for love, his longing for affection.

But now, he writes to tell the great stories he have privileged to pass on.

Because now, he no longer needs to thirst for love, no longer needs to long for affection.

Because now, he has him, just like how they had each other before.

“Yeah..”

* * *

  
**16th day of September, 1943**

  
Jaebeom have never been this excited before, nearly tripping due to his unlaced combat boots as he made his way to the headquarters. It’s been years, 9 long years, and today— is the day he could come home again.

It has been difficult, but he pulled through thanks to the letters that jinyoung had sent him. He have kept them safe somewhere in his pocket, carrying it everywhere he goes. A saving grace he knew he could lean to in his worst days. It wasn’t supposed to be for that long, he was supposed to have a little vacation in between. But due to the intense airborne battle, they need to focus more.

Jinyoung knew that, and despite the sorrow in his voice one time jaebeom’s unit was stationed in Philadelphia, he was adamant of not letting jaebeom worry— telling him that he promised he could wait, and he stood to that.

Jaebeom took his time to compose himself, ridding of the giddy feeling and lacing his boots before knocking thrice, stating his name out loud in a monotonous manner. When he heard the answer from the other side of the door, he quickly entered— a stoic face different from his excitement before.

“You have served for years, Im. And it’s just as rightful as acknowledging a winner from a tournamentas to acknowledge what you did for this country.” Jaebeom couldn’t stop the smile that was making its way to his face, not because of the words he hears, but because he knew that after this talk, he is free to go back.

Free to see jinyoung.

Free to be with jinyoung for the rest of their life.

“However…”

Jaebeom’s smile gradually disappeared, just like how his whole world crumbled into pieces bit by bit with every syllable that escaped the general’s mouth.  
He have waited for this day for god knows how long.

  
‘_You are required to stay for 2 more years_.’

  
How can things turn out to be like this?  
He hope he has the answer.

“Im. Are you listening to me?”

Jaebeom snapped out of his thoughts, having to act tough in front of the man was exhausting him to his limits.

He just wants to be home, is that too much to ask?

“Yes, sir.”

“If you understood everything then you are free to join your troop. You are dismissed.”  
With a salute, jaebeom dragged his feet away from the room, heavy steps and a heavier heart towards their makeshift room.

“Jaebeom-hyung! Congrat-hey, are you okay?” He did not answer, instead he made his way to his bed, sat there in silence as if he was the only man despite the room full of his comrades.

“Is he okay? I thought he’llbe happy to be dismissed?” one of his mates commented to the other.

“Hey, is there something wrong?” Jaebeom looked up to see his best friend’s face. The worry and confusion laced in it made his stomach swirl. He turned his eyes pass him and felt his breath cut short. There was a makeshift table with foods and a bottle of champagne, a handmade banner that says 'Best of luck soldier' in caps lock and bold. It hurt him to see all of this, especially now that his leave was postponed. He didn’t want pity, he didn’t want this people to be sad because of he couldn’t make it home. Not now that they made all of this for him.

But how can he stop these people if he is as confused as them? How could he tell them to stop if he pity himself too?

“Guess you guys had to be stuck with me for 2 more years.” He choked a sad laugh, a collective gasp coming from his team.

“Wait aren’t you supposed to be going home this year?”

“well, I thought that’ll be the case.”

“Hyung…” Jaebeom clenched his fist, his whole existence shaking in rage and disappointment. The others seemed to notice just that as they all silently looked at each other before leaving the man for himself- albeit his best friend stood still despite the burning anger he sees in jaebeom.

“Jaebeom-hyung..”

“I miss him, seun-ah. I miss him so much.” Jaebeom whispered, lips quivering slightly. He couldn’t stop the tears that fell when jackson wang, his best friend inside and outside the camp, handed him a piece of white envelope, just like how he always does whenever his husband, Mark, send him his own ones.Jaebeom was foreign to how things work with letters, thankfully jackson is there to help.

>   
‘August 14, 1943
> 
>   
My love,
> 
>   
How have you been? As for me, I’m doing fine so you don’t have to worry about that. Mark and I went to see the new film he was talking about for days on end. I wished by then that you were with me, the thought made me ache and hoped that I could have you beside me for good. Believe me when I say, there hasn’t been a day where I never thought of you. Or of what our lives could be if you weren’t a soldier. I know it wasn’t a good thing and I am ashamed of it but the way I see people, people our age living life together; I couldn’t help but to envy them, hoping it was us. The house never felt more empty every Christmas and New year, and though mark stays over during holidays; it isn’t just the same without you. How your side of the bed remains cold, how the plates and cups you love to use are untouched. How my hands felt ice to touch without your warmth. However, I am proud of you for what you are and what you do for our land, not a day goes by that I pray for your safety. I’ve written this letter because I am missing you so badly. But then I remember that you told me you'll be home by next month. And god knows how relieved I am to hear just that. Just one more month right? And we’ll see each other again. I can’t wait to finally see you after all this years. Take care of yourself and know that I’ll always wait for you.
> 
>   
I love you.
> 
> Sincerely,  
Jinyoungie'

  
Jaebeom there and then cried, he cried to his heart’s content. He cried until he had no more to shed, numb to the core. His comrades knew of his relationship with jinyoung, they all knew how much jaebeom longs for the younger. And although it was taboo for such love to bloom, they all respected it. Just as how jackson stayed, watching how jaebeom, someone who he have treated as a family, broke down into tears. It hurt him that he couldn’t do anything about it.

And it hurt him to feel what he feels.  
To long for home.

To long for someone he have to leave behind.  
“Hyung…” He whispered once the crying died down, sniffling as he looked at a very soulless jaebeom.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to go back home. I just want to see him. I just want him.”

“But you have a responsibility to do.”

“Am I suppose to put this damn responsibility first before my life?” Jaebeom snapped, effectively scaring the other.

“Isn’t it enough?! Isn’t spending 9 long fucking years of my damn life here fighting for people who doesn’t give a fuck about their country enough?!”He shouted angrily, jackson flinching at his words. Jaebeom has never been the person to shout at someone, he is not like that at all. So to see him act like this was something he never in a million years would expect.

“Jaebeom-hyung please calm down… the officials might h-"

“Fuck them! Honestly, I was here because I was told that it wouldn’t take that long. But 9 years! Jackson, 9 years of not seeing jinyoung. Of not hearing his voice, of not holding him. Jackson, I’m losing my mind just to think that he is waiting for me, has been waiting for me, and now what he expects never comes? Just what do you think am I suppose to feel?! Just how am I suppose to say it to him without disappointing him?!”

  
**“HYUNG!”**

  
Jaebeom was stunned at Jackson’s scream, his eyes were already glassy and his lips were trembling terribly.

“I know how much you miss jinyoung. For fuck sake I also have a husband waiting for me to get back home safe! I know you think I can only say this because it’s only been 5 years since I last saw mark compare to yours and yes I admit that yours is far more worst than my case but at the end, we’re still the same. We still both long to have our loved ones close. Yes it might seem unfair, and truly it is, but you can’t just leave knowing that you’re putting everyone else’s lives, _**innocent lives**_ hyung, into risk. I miss mark, I truly do and I would give everything to see him too, but I won’t just disregard my oath for this country— and so do you.” He said, eyebrows knitted and voice shaky.

Though he want to disagree, jaebeom knew he had a point. Jackson too has mark waiting for him back home, jackson too has to leave everything to protect this people.  
Just like jaebeom, jackson made an oath— to protect and to serve with their lives.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, staring at the ground in shame after realizing that he had pour his anger to jackson when he didn’t even do anything to deserve it.

“No hyung. You have every right to be mad, I don’t blame you for that. But you have to do this. And I believe jinyoung would say the same thing to you.

Because he believes in you.”

  
‘_I’ll always be proud of you for protecting our home, jaebeom-hyung. Thank you_.’

  
Suddenly, jinyoung’s voice echoed inside his head, his words etched in his mind and heart— a music he would play on loop for the rest of his life. Jaebeom started to tear once more, all this time, he thought he was thinking about what jinyoung would feel, but the truth was it was his own desire that has been blocking his common sense.

Because he knew that no matter how long jaebeom has to serve, jinyoung will forever be proud of him.

“Please…” he whispered, almost begging.

  
“Please help me send him a letter.”

* * *

  
**22nd day of September, 1969**

  
“We’re here again.” Yugyeom whispered, already hesitant of taking one more step towards the building.

He dislikes coming there, he hated it. To be reminded of the people who left— it breaks his heart.

“Come on, gyeom-ah. We have to visit them.” His lover spoke softly, leading yugyeom by the hand along the quiet hallways. Of people resting, of people speaking to their loved ones, of people who have already finished their stories— yugyeom knew that they all once smiled, all once laughed and cried; he knew that this people once had a story to tell, just like how his loved ones had the story of their love written by him.

Yugyeom’s breath was stuck in his throat, a clear sight of something his eyes haven’t gotten used to. A full stop that made his lover look at him with concern.

“It’s okay love, I’m here.” Yugyeom looked beside him, seeing his lover smile at him calmed him down. Before, when he used to go alone, he wouldn’t even be able to take a step inside the building. He would always end up bailing out, running away and not looking back in fear that he would just burst into tears.

But now, he can. Because he doesn’t have to run away from what hurts him.

Because pain is a reminder that he is still breathing.

Because unlike before, he’s not alone.

With a deep breath, yugyeom bravely took a step after another— time seemingly stopping at every stride. He never realized how much painful it is to see the engraved name of his loved ones in this distance, to see the dates and the small quote above it.

He have never been up close, but now it felt like he finally manage to face the reality he have been escaping.

_Finally._

“Hi…

  
_**dad**_."

* * *

  
**6th day of January, 1944**

  
Sounds of rifles, of bombs exploding and people asking for help rung into jaebeom’s ears. He saw how most of his comrades were injured, he saw how some of them fall, how some of them took their last breath. He saw them all, and the worst thing; he saw him in the brink of death.

  
“Jackson! Jackson don’t you dare give up!” He shouted amidst the gunshots, holding jackson who was bleeding extensively. It was all a big blur to jaebeom, one moment he could hear Jackson's voice, the next he saw him bleeding. It wasn’t meant to be like this, they were unprepared for the sudden attack at dawn. Jaebeom wished he was, jaebeom wished he was alert when a bomb was thrown at the first makeshift room on the far left of their camp. He wished that they weren’t laid back— they were in the middle of a war anyway— but somehow that slipped through his mind. They were so sure that the enemy wouldn’t make a move, not until they’re closer to berlin. So it was to their horror when they woke up from gunshots and explosions, half of the patrol group already wiped out. He and the others grabbed the first weapon they could, rifles after rifles being pulled out on their cases. He knew he couldn’t make a run for the jet fighters, and even if he did, it'll only damage the camp more. So he opted into fighting along jackson with the rest of the unit— thankful for all the training of assembling and disassembling guns he took before.

Although even after all the preparation they had, nothing prepared him to this scene.

“M-mark.. T-tell mark…” Jackson stuttered as he looked up at jaebeom, his eyes filled with desperation and sadness.

“**NO! YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM! GOD DAMN IT JACKSON YOU CAN’T DIE RIGHT NOW!**” Jaebeom cried out, shouting at the top of his lungs for help but it was futile for there were too much injured for such a little medical team.

“T-tell him..please.. Tell him I love him..a-and that I’m sorry..” The elder cried, seeing how jackson is almost out of breath— seeing him almost out of life.

“Please seun-ah… please don’t die on me.”

“I’m sorry.. tell him I’m sorry..i can’t make it home.” Jackson’s tears started falling, his words barely audible as jaebeom sobbed, it didn’t matter if they were in the middle of the war, it didn’t matter to jaebeom that he too can get shot at any moment. All that mattered to him was the sorrow of seeing his own best friend die right in front of his very eyes.

It suddenly struck him that jackson wang, his best friend, mark’s husband, a soldier who lived to serve, will no longer exist— that jackson wang will be no more than a name written on a memorial stone for soldiers who fought for their country.

It struck him there and then, that he will be losing jackson, that this isn’t a dream and that he will never be able to see him, to talk to him, to hear his laugh, to hear his sadness.

It made him realize that death is really inevitable, and a painful one at that.

  
“Jackson.. Jackson wang… seun-ah..” Jaebeom sobbed, gripping Jackson’s bloodied hands tightly. Jackson was barely breathing, ragged breath as he looked up at jaebeom with a broken smile.

“Hyung… R-remember when we used…to.. dream?”

Jaebeom nodded, tears falling into Jackson’s cheeks. He remembered, how he and jackson used to think of what life would they live if they weren’t soldiers. Of course, jaebeom thought that he'll be a song writer. And jackson would be his producer and co-writer.

Maybe if an alternate universe exist, maybe they were just that.

Maybe they didn’t have to go to war in that universe.

And maybe, Jackson wouldn’t die there. So he could live the life he deserves.

To live a life with happiness.

“I..I’m thankful…for..knowing..you.” Jackson breathe out. Jaebeom knew that moment that jackson was on his limits, so he smiled and spoke;  
“I’m thankful too. We’ll see each other again. I’ll tell mark of how brave you fought. I’ll tell the world.”

“Thank you.. hyung… mark… tell..him..  
I..love..” Jaebeom watched as his best friend’s eyes closed, his voice slowly fading until there was nothing left.

Nothing of jackson wang but a lifeless body.

Jaebeom carefully placed his body down, an eerie silence enveloping him as he looked at Jackson’s peaceful face. If he didn’t know better, he’ll think that he was just sleeping— but he’s not. He’s not just sleeping, because he'll never open his eyes again.

  
The man saluted, his eyes were still full of tears as he grabbed his rifle— shouting as he started firing shots towards the enemy. It was a bloodbath, his eyes turning red as memories of him and jackson played in his head.

His best friend had so much more in life than he could’ve lived, his best friend deserves so much more than his life could’ve gotten. He was losing his senses, his was losing himself— eager to kill every last of them.

And at one moment, everything went blur; eyes wide as his world stopped spinning. All the noises, gone as his ears could only hear tinnitus.

And then he felt it.

Again.

Pushing him back to the ground as he stared at the warming orange sky. He was confused, lost and hurt somewhere in between.

  
That’s when he felt the sting. Placing his hand on his stomach, he soon came in contact with something sticky and liquid-like.  
Gasping later after seeing the crimson coating his fingers.

‘No..’ he thought to himself as he tried to convince himself that he wasn’t seeing right.

That he wasn’t bleeding.

That the last thing he'll see is nothing but ruined tents, smoke and dead bodies somewhere he knows nothing of. That the last words he'll hear was his comrades shouting for help.

He didn’t want to believe it. He wanted it to be a bad dream.

And that he wasn’t going to die.

His eyes pooled with fresh tears as he turned his head to the side, seeing the still body of his best friend whom story he promised to tell the world. He could feel them shaking his body, how they were tapping his arms and face as if to keep him conscious. He could see them move their lips but hear nothing at the same time. Is this really it?

No.

He can’t just die right now.

He refuse to die in this place. He promised to come back..

He can’t just leave jinyoung.

_Jinyoung._

Jaebeom’s tears started streaming at the either side of his face, falling into his ears as he came into realization that he too can never see jinyoung again.

“Jinyoung..” He whispered, memories of them flashing before him— is this how it feels before you die? Is this how it goes?  
So it was real that you’ll get a flashback of your memories right before you die?

“Jinyoungie-ah..”

  
‘_I will, I'll wait for you no matter what. No matter how long I have to, I promise I’ll wait for you_.’

  
“I'm sorry…”


	2. Chapter 2

**14th day of February, 1970**

Yugyeom quietly stared at his reflection despite the bustling crowd around him. He sat there in silence as people moved around, fixing his hair and putting light make up on his already perfect face. The day has finally come; it was the movie premiere of his book and yet he still feels hesitant to go out there and receive the compliments he well know should be given to his loved ones.

“Yugyeom-ssi, you have a guest.” One of the staff spoke as yugyeom adverted his eyes from himself to the door behind him on the mirror. He let out a soft gasp, smiling widely before rushing out of his chair and into the open arms of a man sat in his wheelchair.

“You came.” He whispered, as if he couldn’t believe that this man travelled all the way from his place just to see him. 

“Of course, dear. I wouldn’t want to miss your movie premiere.” The man chuckled, all the while caressing the younger's head. It had been a while, the gray hair and fine lines on his face tell him so, and yugyeom wouldn’t lie if he says he misses him so much.

“Can I please speak to him in private?” The author requested as his agent and acting manager nodded in approval— letting yugyeom have a time to catch up with the elder.

“How have you been?” He asked as soon as the door shut close. The man just smiled at him before speaking; “I’m fine. What about you? Are you nervous?”

Yugyeom shook his head but the sadness in his eyes gave him away before he could even deny it.

“Gyeomie.. Dear, is there something on your mind right now?” Yugyeom hesitated for a bit, battling with his thoughts on whether or not he should voice out what is bothering him.

“It’s just that… I don’t know. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. If what I’m doing will make them happy.” He mumbled, head hung low like he was afraid to meet the old man’s eyes— flinching lightly once he felt soft pats on his head.

“Does it make you happy?” it was faint and barely could he hear it, maybe because the old man’s voice has always been like that— soft spoken— or maybe It was because his mind didn’t know what to answer.

“Huh?”

_“This._ Does it make _you_ happy?”

  
Does it make him happy? Of course. It makes him happy that he could share their stories for the next generation to come. It makes him happy to be able to relive their stories even when he grows old and forget. It makes him happy to see his writing being loved, to be able to write, and to have something to write.

  
“Yes.”

  
“Then you should not fret, my dear. If it makes you happy, then I’m sure it'll make them happier.” The old man said with a delicate laugh. Yugyeom gave off a small smile, sitting on his knees whilst gently placing his head on the old man’s lap, the latter just soothing his hair in a slow rhythmic pattern used to lull babies into slumber.

Ah, he remembers this feeling. The feeling of just being at ease and safe. He remembers how he does this every time he came home crying because some mean kids were making fun of him. He remembers how he laid his head on the elder’s lap whenever he feels sad, lonely or doubtful. He remembers them well, just like how he'll remember this in the future.

“_I’m sure they’re very proud of you, gyeomie. **I’m proud of** **you**_.”

Yugyeom heard him says as he snuggled closer, biting his lips to stop the sobs that were about to escape his mouth.

“I hope I did their love justice. I hope I wrote of their love well.” He whispered, crying silently as he closed his eyes.

“I may be old, yugyeom. I may have forgotten a lot of things. But I know what love _looks_ like, what it _feels_ like. And this movie, your book, it’s _love._

**It’s a _testimony_ of love.**”

  
Yugyeom raised his head up, sniffling whilst he gave him a smile.

“Thank you, mark-ssi.”

Mark, the old man, just chuckled lightly, placing his already wrinkled hands on top of Yugyeom's soft ones. Mark had seen yugyeom grow into the man he is today. Had seen him blossom despite the troubles and pains. Yugyeom might not remember much since he was just a young kid, but he had always bring mark happiness.

Just as how his father proclaimed he'll be.

“Come on, we’re family.” Mark spoke with a soft squeeze, smiling as he finally heard the younger laugh.

_Time really did flew fast. Look at how your child grew._

_You’re right.._

  
“Thanks, pa.”

  
_Yugyeom does bring happiness_.

* * *

**17th of November, 1942**

  
Mark was baffled, he couldn’t think nor speak as his eyes scanned the state jinyoung was in. He was wet from the rain, his light brown pants muddied at the bottom, one sock missing while the other turned completely brown with mud. But it wasn’t that that made the elder speechless, no; it was the fact that jinyoung left the house to fetch some groceries and came back carrying a child.

A breathing living sleeping child.

“Jinyoung what are you doing?” He found himself asked once his brain finally digested the idea that jinyoung just brought someone else’s child home.

“I’m adopting him.” Jinyoung spoke unfazed, eyes softly staring at the sleeping angel in his arms.

“what? Are you out of your mind?! Jinyoung that’s a child! Not some stray cat or dog that you can just pick up and care for.” Mark hissed, ruffling his hair in frustration when jinyoung didn’t reply.

He have thought of so many reasons as to why he shouldn’t let jinyoung adopt the baby. The what ifs and consequences the child might bring weighing his moral as a person. He was worried, scared even, that jinyoung might end up in a disadvantage for caring about someone else’s son.

“Jinyoung I know you love kids and so do I but what if.. what if you become the talk of the town? I don’t want to see you crying once more jinyoung. Let alone watch you suffer when that child's parents come back and perhaps maybe even sue you.” He explained but with the way jinyoung was silent, he knew that the younger have already made up his mind.

“Jinyoung, are you even listening to me?”

“Can you see him, hyung?” Mark stiffened once he finally decided to speak. It wasn’t shouting, wasn’t hard or angry or annoyed. It was soft, merely a whisper but it was there.

“what?”

“Can you _see_ him?” Jinyoung repeated, finally tearing off his gaze to look at mark. His eyes, there was sadness, there was pain; but there was also something else- it was sympathy; Care.

“He's just a young child, hyung; barely even living. How can you expect me to just leave him there crying for help in the middle of a storm? How can you expect me to just go knowing a child is out there left to starve? To die? Hyung I know you’re worried about me, and I appreciate that but I won’t just pretend that this child is nothing. Let the mouth speak of what it wants, I don’t care. If his parents truly loved him then why was he under some broken rusty bridge in the first place?” Jinyoung told him, his eyes already misty as he held the child close. Mark opened his mouth only to close it again; seemingly out of words to say whilst jinyoung just continued.

“I won’t bother you if that’s what you want. I won’t ask for help nor would I ask you to care for him if you don’t feel it. But I’m going to raise this child as my own. He's my child now. And i’m not going to let him be abandoned twice.” With that, jinyoung spun around and was ready to take his leave. Mark stood there, frozen and ashamed as he watched jinyoung's retreating figure.

He couldn’t believe it, how could he really think of abandoning a child? Is he that heartless? Is he that rational? He was no different from that child’s parents, only for the pleasure but wants nothing when it comes to responsibility. If jackson was there, he knew he'd let jinyoung have the baby- hell, he would probably even ask jinyoung to keep the baby himself or maybe ask if he could keep it. That’s how jackson is, more like jinyoung and less than mark. Mark cursed himself for being selfish sometimes, running to stop jinyoung from leaving. They were supposed to have a dinner at mark and jackson's house, jinyoung was supposed to bring the ingredients for their meal. But now, mark doesn’t even think of anything else but stopping jinyoung from going home in this weather, especially with a child— jinyoung's child.

“Jinyoung wait. I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I wanted the baby out. I know I was selfish and I’m sorry for that.” He quickly explained, gripping jinyoung by the arm slightly.

“It’s okay hyung, I understand; really. But I think we should go home now.”

“no, please. Jinyoung it’s raining heavily. You and your son might get sick. You should stay for the night, I’ll cook for us some soup.”

“You don’t have to h-“

“I insist…” Mark took a deep breath; “I also want to take care of him. Let me help you, in anyway I can.”

He waited patiently for his answer, hoping that the younger would not decline his request. Mark frowned when jinyoung suddenly started coughing, letting him go before standing in front of him. This too, is why mark have been hesitant in the first place. He knew jinyoung wasn’t feeling well, that he needed check ups but the younger dismissed it as something that comes and goes like a flu.

If only mark knew better.

“Jinyoung it’s been weeks since you got that flu. Why don’t w-“

“Do you mean it?” Jinyoung spoke in between soft coughs, eyes teary as he stared at mark.

“Do you mean it, wanting to help me raise him?” he added. Mark had a pause before giving him a firm nod.

“Yes.”

There’s no way he’ll let jinyoung take care of his baby in this condition alone. There’s just no way he’ll just watch and not help him at all.

“I’m glad to hear that, hyung.”

Mark felt a tug in his heart as jinyoung gave him a smile. Jinyoung could’ve been mocking him now, telling him of how he acted earlier. He could have decline his request and leave mark to suffer with his conscience; but jinyoung was not like that- he was never like that. Mark felt small when realized that jinyoung can quickly forgive him, or anyone at that, even though he’s being judged by them. He felt a swirl of envy with how jinyoung could offer love without anything in return. It hit him then that jinyoung was the type of person who is first to forgive and never to hold grudges. He envies him. For having the heart to love people he barely knows, to care for people who are strangers for mark. He envied him for so many reasons, and yet admire him for the same.

His heart leaped at the sight of the awakening child, eyes wandering before catching mark’s. He smiled despite himself, wondering how easy it was for the child to make him smile.

“He’s beautiful.” He whispered before offering his index finger for the baby to hold. The child stared at it with awe, making a throaty squeal before latching both his tiny hands onto mark’s index finger. It made mark feel something inside him blossom- a new found love for the child he nearly abandoned. Mark never had an idea that this very child will fill the void his husband will leave one day, that this very child will be his source of strength, his source of comfort and his source to love.

“He likes you.” Mark glanced at jinyoung who was giving him a gentle smile. It was then that mark felt tears in his eyes, it was of happiness and regret, of love and sincerity.

“Thank you, for letting me care for him as well.”

Jinyoung just chuckled whilst shaking his head, eyes now fixated to the child in his arms. He was still wearing the soaked clothes, but he was happy. The child wasn’t much different, except only the hem of the blanket warmly wrapped around him was damped and dirtied— jinyoung must’ve found him before it started raining heavily.

“Hyung, how about we name him?” Jinyoung spoke, not even once daring to letting his gaze off of the child.

_“We?”_ Mark repeated, unable to comprehend the word he just said.

“Of course, why? Don’t you want to?”

“No it’s not like that it’s just that… I’m.. I don’t..” Mark trailed off, he doesn’t want to name a child because he knew he wasn’t entitled to do so— not after thinking of sending the child back to where jinyoung saw him.

“I don’t think I have the right to name him, jinyoung. Not after what I told you.”  
To his surprise, jinyoung held his hand, giving it a light squeeze before smiling;

  
“_**Come on, we're family**_.”

  
There and then, mark knew his family doesn’t consist of jackson alone anymore— and to that, he thank jinyoung.

  
“So? Have you thought of a name?” Jinyoung looked at him expectantly, mark furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, mind being flooded of hundreds upon thousands of names to use.

“What about you? Do you have something in mind?”It was now jinyoung's turn to look serious, somehow his face made mark smile slightly— the furrowed eyebrows combined with his lips pouted made him look more sulky than serious. And for a second, mark saw jackson in him.

“Hmm.. I want him to own everything he wants in life, to have the things that will make him happy, to possess the strength to overcome. I want him to exist and be known. A child who will bring forth happiness to everyone he meets…

  
**_Y_****_u.”_** Jinyoung chuckled softly before adding; “But i think it sounds too short, right? So I want you to name him too.”

Mark stared at the now quiet child, his doe eyes observing his surrounding— a lot of times glued to either mark or jinyoung with curiosity. He have always wanted to name a child, perhaps to even name his and jackson’s in the future. He have thought of so many names and yet none could him right.

Until mark had an epiphany that this child is now jinyoung’s— a man with a heart of gold and his feet rooted firmly on the ground no matter his success. With a smile, mark caressed the child’s head— the latter closing his eyes from the touch before opening them again with a smile.

_He will bring happiness, just like how jinyoung tells he will._

** _“Gye_ ** ** _om.”_ **

  
He will exist as a humble person.

  
Just like his father.

  
**“Yugye** **om.”**

* * *

**16th of March, 1970**

  
“I have rechecked all your schedules and all of the book tour stops for the next two weeks. I have also prepared the overview you'll be having this week for the international interviews and conference regarding the movie.”

Yugyeom’s agent and acting manager recited, eyes finally adverting from his paper-filled folder to yugyeom who have been silent since his arrival to the office. He knew something was up, yugyeom was never the type of person who will just sit still and be quiet when it comes to seeing his readers.

With furrowed eyebrows and a frown, he cleared his throat— effectively snapping yugyeom away from his thoughts.

“Uh..yeah?” Yugyeom asked, smiling half-heartedly at him.

“You’ve been spacing out yugyeom.” He pointed out which in turn made yugyeom blush in embarrassment.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was just thinking of what to write next.” Yugyeom sheepishly laughed, finally focusing on his typewriter to maybe write a new plot for his new story or maybe do something important that he should've done hours ago.

“There’s clearly something wrong with you. I can tell.” Yugyeom's fingers halted from touching the keys, his body tensed as he stared blankly at the clean and newly placed paper in it.

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” He lied as he began typing— albeit only to crumple and throw the paper to the trash bin next to him before starting over.

“Yes, but that’s not all there is, isn’t it? You’re not supposed to go here today since it’s the only day on your schedule that can be used for yourself yet here you are.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t go to work today.” Yugyeom mumbled like a child being scolded.

“I know that but this is your free day, a day you can spend with your friends and your boyfriend. Didn’t you used to always look forward to the days where you can go 'incognito' and just have fun?” Yugyeom sighed, finally giving up on pretending to write something, at this point he's just wasting paper.

“I’m fine hyung, I just don’t want to go out right now. I feel too exhausted to even move a muscle.” He grumbled whilst leaning to his chair. It’s true, he is tired and sleepy and anxious about the fact that he'll be having another book tour— meaning he'll have to pay a visit there just to say goodbye. It’s not like he doesn’t want to visit, he actually missed him the most but every time he sees him, his heart just crumbles. He couldn't visit often despite wanting to, he could only wish to see his face as he wrote down his current book, hoping that by doing so he will somehow find it in him not to feel guilty of neglecting the man of his time and affection.

“Do you want me to clear your schedules for the next two days then?”

“No.” He quickly replied before sighing; “No please, a lot of them have been waiting and invested so much time and money just to see me. The very least I could do to repay them is to show up and sign their copy.”

“Are you sure?” Yugyeom looked at him, smiling lightly with a nod.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure.”

The elder just sighed whilst putting his folder in his bag, removing his reading glassesbefore running his hands on his blueish hair. Most of the time, yugyeom wonders how in the world does his manager even look casually handsome in that hair.

“Fine, but let me call bam just in case you start feeling a bit under the weather.” He said whilst the younger just gave him a tired smile.

“Thanks, hyung.” Yugyeom mumbled before closing his heavy lids. He haven’t had the time to get a good rest, always on the road—going from one station to another. Not like yugyeom hates it, no. It’s just that he barely have the time to meet his lover now and just relax. Ironic, because he should be relaxing now and do what he usually do which is spending time with his boyfriend and yet he couldn’t find it in him to be at peace— not when he feels like this.

He barely felt the light squeeze on his shoulder, barely heard the soft '_take a rest, gyeom-ah',_ barely notice him gone nor did he notice the ticking of the clock. But he did notice the silence, noticed how awfully quiet his world would’ve been if not for his lover. He realized, that he would’ve been a lone bird flying across the wide sky, having nowhere to go home— to call _home._ He didn’t notice how much time he spent with his eyes closed like that, but it did gave him serenity— the temporary calmness in his still raging storm of thoughts.

Although not paying much attention to his surrounding, he did notice the familiar soft tapping of dress shoes, the familiar soft sigh, the familiar soft kiss on his forehead before hearing the softest voice calling out; “baby, I’m here.”

With still sleepy eyes, he pried them open to catch a blurry vision of his lover putting a bunch of sweet smelling food on his desk— shivering at the cold sensation placed in his left cheek, whining lightly before blinking a few times to adjust his sight.

“Sleepyhead, you should’ve stayed at home you know.” Bambam mused with a gentle chuckle, smiling as yugyeom took the chocolate shake away from his cheeks.

“That’s boring.” The younger whispered with a pout as he sipped at his favorite drink, smiling widely as if finally gaining energy from it; “thanks for bringing me choco shake, love.”

“Yeah, I guessed you were low on that that’s why you’re out of it.” Bambam spoke as he leaned on the desk for balance. He gave yugyeom a quick glance from head to toe— he still looked handsome, minus the fact that his clothes are mismatched colors of bright yellow shirt, washed-out denim, and brown leather shoes that made him look like he just threw every first thing he saw before leaving, and honestly; he thinks that’s what exactly what he did.

“Hey, eyes up here babe.” Bambam instinctively obliged as he adverted his eyes on yugyeom’s, catching those breathtaking gaze he loves the most.

“How can you manage to look so painfully handsome in that mess of an outfit, love?”

“It’s in the genes.” Yugyeom found himself saying, only to realize it soon after. Bambam took notice of how his eyes grew solemn and how his lips turn into a thin line— he's having one of those thoughts again.

“You're right. You definitely inherited your dad’s taste in fashion.” He tried to lighten up the mood but yugyeom only gave him a small smile.

“Yeah.. I guess so.”

And then silence, it was silent and bambam knew it wasn’t a great one. There was never that kind of silent between them, never the kind where he could suffocate and leave him on edge. Having yugyeom around is always carefree, and fun, and full of love— he intends to keep it that way.

“Gyeomie.” Yugyeom heard him spoke, cautious and gentle as if afraid to make him feel more vulnerable than he already is.

“I have to meet him again after months bam. I have to leave him again in that..that..lonely place.” Yugyeom tried his best not to spill any tears, yet he couldn’t stop them from falling as soon as bambam held his hands firmly.

“I know, love. But that’s for the best. You know that, that’s why you chose to let him stay there. And it's not that lonely remember? He has friends there.”

“But I should’ve been caring for him. Bambam, I should be the one taking care of him. He needed me the most and yet I can’t be there for him, I’m not strong enough to be there for him.” He sniffled, gripping the elder's hand as he cried.

“Yugyeom-ah, I know you want to take care of him but he needed extra care. He needed it yugyeom, not because you’re not enough, but because you know he deserves the kind of treatment they can give.”

“I’m sorry.. I just feel so useless for them. They raised me, cared for me and I don’t even know how to repay them.”

“Listen, yugyeom.” Bambam started, leaning closer to him as he cupped his flushed face; “You being happy and living your life is enough to repay them. Because that’s what they want, they want you to be happy and be the person you are meant to be.” He finished, placing a soft peck on his quivering lips whilst yugyeom hiccuped.

“Let’s go home, okay? Then we can decide when to go.”

It took bambam a while to convince yugyeom to sleep once they got home. The younger insisted that he wants to spend time with him awake and that he misses talking to him like this. And even though bambam can clearly see the drowsy eyes, he let him— opting for them to watch a movie instead of going out, after all a cozy date at home is far more preferable than fine dining.

He busied himself with making snacks and pouring wine for himself and yugyeom, smiling softly at the half-closed eyes yugyeom had while watching Lion King.

“Scoot over you big puppy.” He chuckled lightly as yugyeom gave him a quiet whine before giving the elder some space next to him. Bambam felt him cuddle closer soon after, wrapping both his arms around him whilst planting his face on his neck— inhaling the calming scent of his lover mixed with his expensive perfume.

“You’re seriously annoying, you know that?” bambam caught him grumbled, raising his eyebrows in amusement.

“And why is that?”

“You’re so annoying that I can’t help but to love you. I love you.” Yugyeom raised his head to peek at bambam who was already giving him heart eyes.

“You're seriously annoying too, just so you know.” He whispered, earning a light chuckle from the younger.

“Well I guess we’ll be annoying together forever then.”

Of course.

Bambam wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is up! Hope this gives you a some fluff moments after the angst on the first chap ksjskjsksjjskjsksjksjsk luv y'all 😔✊💕


	3. Chapter 3

**28th of May, 1966 **

It was what bambam calls a normal day— waking up, eating breakfast, taking a shower, dressing up for work and leaving the house. The routine bambam knew even with his eyes closed. To be fair, he loves what he do; fashion is everything he is passionate about and designing outfits is what he have always dreamed of. But it wouldn’t hurt to break from his usual routine every once in a while. Especially when you see all your friends finding love and settling down.

“Bam, how's the suit for kook's wedding?” Lisa called out as she placed the invitations neatly on a golden colored envelopes with floral patterns. Lisa and bambam goes way back, being childhood friends and growing up together makes them feel like real siblings— though there are times were people mistakes them for a couple or people saying that they should get married, both just shrug the idea and never talked about it. Lisa sees him as a brother and bambam sees her as a sister, she also knew of his sexuality and unlike most of his friends; she stays and supports him with what makes him happy.

“It’s closely done. Just have to do some alterations because that man really needed to build his body up weeks after the initial fitting and a day before the actual wedding.” He sarcastically replied, gaining a laugh from lisa who just finished with the invitations.

“Oh come on, he's marrying a gucci main model, can you blame him?”

“Well, you have a point but still.” He pouted, eyeing his work before a gasp echoed from the back. Both eyes adverted to the long haired man who’s running towards them with a grin— his infamous bunny teeth showing in full view.

“Is that the suit?!” He asked in excitement, bambam giving way to let the man see it fully.

“Yeah, had to get it fix or else you'll be popping button before honeymoon.” Bambam and lisa laughed while jungkook just scratched his head in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry for that bam, I just get nervous and the only way to keep myself calm is exercising.”

“I’m just messing around koo, of course I want you to have the most gorgeous suit on your special day, that'll make me look bad as your best friend if I let you walk down the aisle with a ripped suit.” Bambam patted his shoulder which made jungkook smile again.

“Thanks. By the way, this suit looks insanely amazing bam. You truly are gifted with your creativity.” Jungkook marveled while lisa nodded in approval— pride swelling inside bambam as he looked at the suit he tailored for him.

It was a simple white suit with various sizes of pearls scattered around it. But what he is proud of the most is the silk see-through cape on its back, making it look like a short veil that stops a few inches below his waist. He partnered that withsilk long sleeves with v-shaped ruffles connecting through the buttons, white dress shoes, white pants and white belt.

“You're welcome, it’s not that hard to design an outfit for you since you basically suggested most of it.” Bambam spoke as he put the clothing in a garment bag and the shoes in a small black paper bag.

“Seriously though, I wouldn’t be able to handle the wedding stress without you guy and don’t forget the bachelor party bam. Lis, you can go to taehyung's party at the hotel's restaurant near by if you want to, I can give you the exact address.” Jungkook said as he carried his outfit.

“I’ll pass, I need to meet the girls for our product launching few days after your wedding. But thanks. And you two enjoy the night, don’t overdrink and oversleep you guys especially you kook, you have a wedding the next day.” Lisa warned them playfully whilst the two just laughed.

“So see you later then?” Jungkook faced bambam who nodded.

“See you later, kook.”

_And just like that, another friend of his is off to get married. _

\--

Bam has two problems, one is his clothes which is funny since he designs them and yet he can’t find the right outfit to wear. Two is he doesn’t know half of jungkook's other friends and bambam being the shy person that he really is, wonders whether or not he would fit in later. Worst is that the celebration starts at 6 and it’s already 4:30 yet he's still in his home without an outfit to wear.

He debated on whether he should go with casual or fancy— finally opting to wear a semi-formal outfit that is made out of a white loose plain shirt and black plain coat paired with tight jeans and black velvet loafers. After convincing himself that his outfit is just fine, he fished out his keys and locked his house, running towards his car before starting the engine.

The drive wasn’t that far, a couple of blocks, a few light stops and he’s there. Bambam knew jungkook wouldn’t throw an extravagant bachelor party unlike him if ever, the man prefers a small gathering after all.

The loud music coming from the inside was enough for bambam to be nervous and giddy. Yes he hang out with friends but only a few, and he usually spend his days creating outfits or taking care of his cats. Breathing slowly, he knocked on the door before being greeted by jungkook himself.

“bam you made it! Come on in!”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to miss you getting wasted and being stupid before your big day.” He laughed as they entered the two storey house. Jungkook’s place is minimalistic, a lot of black, white and some touches of gold here and there— thankful that they both share the same taste in the color palette. Bambam’s eyes wander around, saw some familiar faces that smiled at him, some faces he sees in Television and some faces he haven’t seen before.

One of which is the man with light brown hair who was casually sitting at the corner with a bunch of paper on hand. It was weird, like the man doesn’t even notice the loud noise around him— he looks so lost in his own world, a world that bambam suddenly wished he can get lost too.

Bambam’s breath caught in his throat when his eyes fluttered towards his direction, even through those reading glasses, he could see his stare, he could feel it; oddly enough, he doesn’t mind.

“Oh you know gyeom?” Bambam snapped out of the staring fight when he heard jungkook spoke over the bustling noise. He looked at him and then back to the man before looking back at jungkook once more.

“No I don’t. Who is he?”

“That’s Yugyeom, we've been friends since high school but he moved out soon after. He doesn’t frequent here but I’m glad he came for my wedding. Come, let me introduce you to him. You'll like him.” Jungkook smiled before dragging bambam towards the man named yugyeom. Yugyeom glanced at them before smiling at jungkook, putting his paper down neatly on the side table— on a clear sight, bambam can see that it’s a manuscript for a book, perhaps his.

“yugyeom, I’d like you to meet bambam. Bambam, this is yugyeom.” Jungkook announced before the two shook hands with a smile.

“Nice to meet you.” Yugyeom spoke, his voice doing wonders to bambam’s fluttering heart.

“Likewise.” He replied, sneaking a quick look at yugyeom's outfit. It was a pretty strange mix of peachy color t-shirt topped with a white loose weird looking button up polo that has grayish stain near the end of the sleeves— bambam doesn’t know whether that’s for the sake of avant garde or the man have been in a construction site somewhere— paired with chocolate brown pants that when hiked up lightly reveals a yellow socks under the gray sneakers. All of that with the golden square-shaped retro glasses and accessories made bambam stop and contemplate if he had enough taste fashion to pull something as wild as that and make it look effortlessly stunning.

“So, I’ll leave you guys for a while ‘kay? Enjoy the night!” Jungkook said, voice hinting something that neither of them give attention to— whether that is because they simply just don’t care or because they both knew something changed as soon as they met eyes. Yugyeom was the first to give reaction after jungkook left, patting the empty chair next to his. Bambam sat without a word, lips tight shut as he don’t really have any idea on how to start a conversation that isn’t going to last for just 10 seconds. Truth be told, he wanted to hear his voice again, it was.. soothing, in a weird good way that he finds himself drawn to the man. He couldn’t think of what to say— afraid that he’ll be bothering the man who was once again reading his manuscript.

“You’re quiet.” Bambam’s cheeks were flushed all of the sudden, awkwardly laughing whilst scratching his nape. He didn’t know that he was paying attention to him after all.

“Y-yeah.. I guess I’m not really the talker huh?”

“it’s okay, I’m actually not much either.”

“Oh. But you seem..”

“Talkative?” Yugyeom finally looked at his direction after flipping into another page. Bambam felt hot under his gaze, although they were nothing but soft lingering stares. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what he was feeling bothered at— was it because of how he was staring at him for more than what people usually do or if it was because his heart if beating wildly in his chest.

“I-I mean… koo’s your friend so I thought you were.. you know?” he mumbled, embarrassed that he couldn’t find the right words to describe him.

“Well to be fair kookie has times were his inner introvert ass come to play but I think it’s safe to say that he’s crazy when he’s with his friends.” Yugyeom spoke with a nod, as if telling it to himself rather than bambam— surprised to hear bambam laughing out of the blue.

“Why are you laughing?” He asked despite the smile that was already halfway on his lips— just hearing his laugh makes him want to smile, odd but not it felt natural.

“Y-you just..” Bambam said in between laughs only to burst into a fit of loud laughter at yugyeom’s confused but smiling face.

“what?”

“You just called.. jungkook.. an ass…”

_“oh.” _

In the end they both laughed, gathering some attention as they do so. It was strange to feel as if they’ve known each other in a short period of time but it felt like that. They talked about their lives, their passion, their dreams. They talked until it was time to go.

“You know… let’s hang out some time. I like having you around.” Yugyeom announced without thinking of any other possible interpretation that bambam could get. He only realized it when the blush on bambam’s cheek reddened— making him look like a flushed tomato.

_ **Cute. ** _

“I mean like… you seem to be fun to be with you know? Like just talking to you right now. It feels easy and our conversation just flows.” He attempted to hide the faint pink dust on his cheek, thankful for his glasses.

“O-of course.. It’s… it’s actually fun talking to you too.” Bambam whispered with a smile.

“So.. it’s a date then?” Yugyeom told him in a teasing manner, getting more and more comfortable with bambam for some reasons he have yet to find out. Bambam just laughed, all the while nodding at the grinning younger.

“It’s a date.”

* * *

**20th of March, 1970 **

“You sure you’re going alone baby?” Yugyeom stared at him worried lover who was holding his hands firmly. He just smiled, placing a soft kiss on his nose before putting a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’m sure babe. I want some alone time with him. We haven’t really… _talked,_ you know?” Bambam just sighed softly before hesitantly letting go of the younger. It’s been four days since they talked about whether or not they should visit, after those four days; yugyeom came to conclusion that he needed to go alone despite the elder’s protest. It’s not that bambam doesn’t trust him, it’s just that he knows this is something big for yugyeom; it’s something that he haven’t tried to do in his life. He knows that yugyeom is trying to be brave— both for himself and for _him—_ and he has never been more proud of him for that.

“Fine, but you’ll call me once you’ll head back okay? I’m going to pick you up.” Bambam whispered, pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug. It’s not a long ride, a few cities to pass, a few highways and a few streets before reaching his destination. Yugyeom only gave him a nod before kissing him fully on the lips, the elder responding just as much. It was gentle, nothing sensual nor tensed but instead it was delicate and sincere— the type of kiss yugyeom _adores_ the most.

“You’re so annoying...” Yugyeom heard him barely but it was there as he smiled at his lover.

“I know, I love you too.”

And with the exchange of adoration, yugyeom set out to face his fear once again— little by little, he’ll overcome them; _slowly but surely_. He rode his private van, silent all the way to the place where he left one of his loved ones. Shutting his eyes close, he tried to remember the day they met, the day he first realize that the man is important to him. He tried to remember every fragments of whatever there is left in his memories— memories that brought both **pain** and **happiness** to yugyeom. Pain because it’s never going to happen again, and happiness because it happened. He wondered if the man remembers him, it’s been so long and to think that he tends to forget things easily, it’s just a miracle if he even know yugyeom’s name. he sighed, no used to thinking too much anyway, he just have to say goodbye, maybe talk about his life for a while or maybe ask how he is doing.

_You can do this yugyeom. You have to do this_.

Yugyeom woke up from the sound of the engine dying, indicating that they have arrived at their destination. He thanked the driver and told him to go home and that bambam will be driving him back later. The driver did as he was told and left yugyeom standing in front of an outdated looking building, it was still functioning despite the rusting gate at the entrance and the almost unrecognizable wording at the arc of the gate.

**“I’m here.”** Yugyeom breathed out, as if he couldn’t believe himself that he finally— _finally__—_ managed to stand in front of this very building alone. He used to go here with mark or with his manager or bambam but today, he is here alone; **_alone but stronger. _**

His feet started moving; left, right, left, right until he was greeted at the front desk where a lady was.

“Hello, how may I help you?” the lady asked in a sweet manner as yugyeom smiled.

“Hi, I’m here to visit J-“

“Yugyeom! You’re here!?” Yugyeom looked at his side and saw jungkook running towards him, encaging him with a hug whilst laughing.

“Jungkook? Wait I thought you left to go to France with taehyung for good?”

“Well that was the plan but my dad told me to look after the hospital from now on.”

Ah, this is another reason why yugyeom is at ease with letting this people around his loved one; because he knows he can trust them to take good care of him. After all, it’s jungkook’s family business. It was kind of strange to him at first, jungkook didn’t strike him to have parents that are both in the medicinal field but he guessed it runs in the family since he was the one who helped him a lot with _his_ situation.

“So you mean you’re going to run this on your own?” Yugyeom asked as they walked towards the familiar hallway that leads them to a very familiar door.

“Sort of, taehyung is going to help me with it as well and we’ve already started with the renovation.” Jungkook replied, as true to his word; yugyeom could see men working on to make the building into a more comfortable environment for the people who stayed there. The hospital was old but it still looked decent but with taehyung's sense of fashion and jungkook's minimalist personality, he is sure that the hospital will look more of a hotel than that of a nursing home.

“But what about your dream to be a professional media artist?”

“I mean, I still can do photography and videography on the side while managing this hospital. It’s just that I want to continue what my dads built and loved.”

“I see, speaking of your dads; Where are they?”

“Enjoying their time together. I guess my dad wanted to be around pops more now. They’ve been inseparable for months on end, it’s kind of cute.” Jungkook chuckled as they stopped in front of a door.

“I’m glad to hear yoongi-ssi and hoseok-ssi are still as in love as they are before.” Yugyeom told him with a genuine smile whilst jungkook just laughed. He remembers the first time he saw the two, polar opposites and yet they match like the sun and the moon.

“Yeah, I strive to have a marriage like theirs. And I want my marriage with taehyung to be just as like them. You know what dad said when I asked him why he is always holding pops hand?” He stopped, eyes clouded with love and his smile was soft and nostalgic as he looked away and through the wide sliding door that leads to the green scenery outside.

“He said that he wanted to hold him as much as he can before one of them leaves earth. He said that he’ll take every chance he can to hold him close until one of them has to let go. It’s… it’s amazing. That kind of love. I want it too.

I want it too, with taehyung.” Yugyeom caught his eyes as he patted his shoulder, somehow he envies his friend— not because of having taehyung but because he can witness his parents love as he grows old; **unlike him. **

“You will have that kind of love, kook, because you deserve it. Both you and taehyung deserve it.”

“Thanks gyeom… do you.. want me to accompany you inside?”

Yugyeom shook his head, even though he is tempted to accept the offer; he is firm with his decision.

“Okay, good luck then. I’ll be going now. Hope you two get a good talk for all the time you guys missed.” Jungkook spoke as he gave yugyeom one last hug before jogging away. Yugyeom took a deep breath before knocking lightly, holding the door knob as he slowly twist it open. He scanned the room, the same room he had seen since he started college. The same color of beige, the same drawing yugyeom did when he was young that mark pinned on the wall, the same furniture, the _same feeling. _

He held his tears in as he saw him seating quietly at his wooden chair that was facing the window. He could see the old music sheets and photographs at the coffee table that seemed to be untouched for at least more than a month or two because of the dust it collected. Soundlessly making his way next to him, yugyeom squatted at the side of the chair to see his side profile— he is still as handsome as ever despite the grey hair and wrinkles in his face.

“Hi, I’m back.” Yugyeom whispered, urging himself to not shed a tear as soon as he speaks. There were no response nor even a glance; he remained as he was— _silent, unmoving_ and _emotionless._ They said it was because of the great depression of losing an important person that led into another illness. That combined with the years passing made it inevitable for the man to get health problems. But they said that the man is still fighting for it, that he has the will to not let his sadness take him away from those that are still here. And that thought made yugyeom happy, the thought that this man willingly tries to get better for him.

“How are you?” Yugyeom spoke again, this time holding his cold hands; he disliked that— he missed the warm embrace the man used to give him whenever he returns to school. He missed the warm hands that holds him as they walk along the park. The same hands who guided him through the years.

“I’m doing just fine if you’re wondering. I published a new book you know? And it is loved by many.

_Your story is loved by many_.” He added, tears stubbornly slipping down his cheeks.

“It even has a movie adaptation. I got all the recognition because of you. Thank you.” He hiccupped, gripping the hands of the man tightly as if trying to get any response— even just a flinch.

“I’m going away again. Maybe for a few months or so, so I won’t be able to visit until then just like always. I’m sorry, if I always forget to give you the time you deserve...

**_ I’m so sorry for not being a good son to you, dad. I miss you.”_ **

Yugyeom’s tears were flowing fast that he didn’t know if he ever cried like that ever since his other dad passed away. He repeatedly asked forgiveness though received none in response. He wondered if going there alone was a good idea now that he can’t stop crying. If mark or his manager, youngjae, or bambam— maybe even jungkook— was there then someone could stop him from crying but no; he’s crying like there’s no tomorrow and no one was there to stop the tears.

_No one but his dad_.

“Please… don’t cry.” Yugyeom froze on his spot, snapping his head to look at his papa with wide eyes. There was warmth in his eyes, his hands finally holding yugyeom’s— his whole body positioned to face his son.

“d..dad…” Yugyeom spoke, lips quivering as he hiccupped.

“Please.. don’t cry..” His dad repeated whilst yugyeom couldn’t help but to hug the man tightly, ‘I miss you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ escaping his mouth as he do so.

“You remind me of my son, he’s at school now. He’s going to graduate soon.” Yugyeom was sobbing. The last memory his dad can remember was years ago, when yugyeom was at his last year in college. That’s when it all started, he started forgetting things until even yugyeom’s name is forgotten. But he is still thankful that his papa remember that he has a son— and that is him.

“R-really?” Yugyeom asked as soon as he let go of his father, smiling as he saw the tiniest smile in his father’s face.

“Yes. But you’re much older than him. He always complain about not getting enough sleep but I know he’s trying his best to make me proud.”

“Are you… are you proud of him?”

“I have always been proud of him. Ever since he was young.”

Yugyeom choked a smile, laughing at the miracle he received. he finally managed to have a decent conversation with his father.

“He’s proud of you too. For being strong and for taking care of him.”

“Do you know if he’s going here today?”

“He already went. He said he missed you.”

“Really? I missed him too.”

Yugyeom wanted the time to stop for them. He wanted the time to freeze so he can savor this moment forever. But that’s just not how things work, because sooner or later he’ll have to give his dad back to the greedy sickness that was pulling his father away.

“I want you to listen to something.” He spoke, placing the cassette down on the coffee table— pressing play as the music started. It was a piano at first, then someone singing.

“Do you remember this song, dad?” Yugyeom asked, looking expectantly at his father, he have been playing the same song to him for years but now he believes he has more chances that his father would react to the song.

“Yes.”

_And he is **right. **_

“What is this song?”

_“mine..”_

Yugyeom smiled widely before nodding; “This song is the song I used for your story, dad. So the whole world can hear of your story and see your story.”

“J…” His father trailed off, stunning yugyeom who saw the tears pooling in his eyes. His father— who have been confined for years in this nursing home— never shed a tear until today.

“J…” he repeated, fresh tears from his eyes as he looked at the cassette tape with so much longing. It broke yugyeom’s heart to see the despair in his father’s eyes ; if only he could change the past and let them have each other till they both grey— he would do it without any second thoughts.

_“he_ loves you so much, dad.” Yugyeom muttered, reaching out to hold his hand.

It was a love tragedy. Both his parent’s and mark’s. A love that is unconditional but tested by fate and time. A love that is cut short by death itself.

“I love him…” His father whispered, glancing at yugyeom who was crying silently.

“He loves you too.”

“I miss him.”

“I know, dad. I miss him too.”

It was such a twisted game of fate. Yugyeom knew that, but fate is something indestructible, no matter how much hatred he has for it, it wouldn’t do a thing to bring back what is now lost— **nothing will.** No matter how much you love someone, you can never know when will the day come that they have to leave and never return. Because no matter how much his dad loves his papa, it wasn’t enough to keep him _**alive. **_

“I want to see him.. I want to see him! **I WANT TO SEE HIM**!” he started to shout in which scared the younger. He cried as he tried to stop his father from thrashing around. He buzzed the nurse and after a few seconds, there were already injecting him with some liquid that can calm him. Yugyeom doesn’t want to see it, he doesn’t want to see how this people calm his father like a rabid dog. But that’s their work, that’s the only way they could calm him, it was too much for him, seeing his father cry as he slowly calm down while the song is still playing somewhere in the background. How did their life turned out to be like this? How can life be so unfair to them? To his parents who did nothing but do good and help others?

Of all people, _why_ his parents?

“Gyeom-ah..” Yugyeom looked at jungkook who was looking at him with sadness in his eyes. He stood up and walked towards his now sleeping father, placing a kiss on his forehead before closing the door behind them.

“I thought I could at least help him. But I just made things worst.” He sobbed as jungkook hugged his friend for comfort.

“It’s okay gyeom.. I know you just wanted to help your dad recover. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him.”

“thank you kook, I don’t know how much long I can handle to see my dad in that state. I don’t want him to suffer more.” He spoke with trembling voice.

“shh.. it’s all going to be okay kook. Don’t worry.”

If only it’s that easy; then maybe his worries can all go away in a blink of an eye.

* * *

“That kid can really be stubborn at times, isn’t he?” Bambam heard the man spoke with adoration. He didn’t know how to spend his day without his lover and somewhere along finding something to do, he ended up at yugyeom's second parent’s house.

“I know. But I guess that’s one more thing I love about him.” He replied with a smile. It’s true that yugyeom can be a handful most of the time; stubborn and not one to give up when he believes he stand for what is right. But there are also times were yugyeom can be sweet, understanding loving— actually, it’s more often than not that yugyeom showers his loved ones with so much love, bambam can’t help but to wonder where he get all of those love to give.

“you know, when he was young, He used to hide his dad’s socks so he can’t leave. He hates it when his dad leaves him, I can understand that because of what he went through at a young age.” the man spoke whilst bambam listens intently. Now that he realized it, he wonders whatever happened to the other story inside the book his lover have previously written. It wasn’t specified whatever happened with the other two character and curiosity is killing him.

“I don’t mean to sound rude but.. I was wondering.. if you, you know, approve of him writing down a piece of your story in that book as well. And I’m also wondering whatever happened.. after that.” Bambam spoke as he quickly added; “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to though! I’m sorry for being nosy.”

“it’s fine, dear. You’re gyeomie’s soon-to-be husband so I don’t mind sharing things to you since you’re going to be my second son anyway.” Bambam had his mouth ajar, blushing madly at the term ‘soon-to-be husband’ when they both haven’t even talked about that before.

“W-wait we’re no-“

“Anyway, do you still want to hear my story or not?”

Bambam shut his lips close, and despite the blush in his face; he nodded.

“Good. Now listen carefully. This is our side of the story.”

* * *

**8th of January, 1943 **

“Hyung! Hyung! Hyung!” Mark nearly burned his hand as he heard jinyoung's scream echoing from the second floor, rushing to see what the commotion is about only to see him grinning from ear to ear— holding a very confused yugyeom on his hand who looked up at mark.

“Jinyoung what happened? Why were you screaming?”

“You need to see this.” Was his only reply before making yugyeom face him. Mark watched as the father and son looked at each other before yugyeom started squealing happily; clapping his chubby hands together.

“_P..papa_!” The toddler babbled whilst jinyoung cheered, gushing over the cute little angel as mark stood awestruck.

“did he just… did he just said _'papa'?”_

“Right?! My baby knows how to call me now! I'm so proud of him!” 

Mark's lips curved into a smile as he watched how happy the two looked, not missing the chance to grab his camera to capture this memorable moment. He had never seen jinyoung so happy before, despite the paleness and the weight lost, he looks so full of life that moment.

The elder's attention were diverted when the telephone rang, excusing himself as he left the two to play more. Clearing his throat, mark held the phone to his ear— silently wishing it was his husband’s voice in the other end of the line.

“Hello, is this the Wang Residence?”

Albeit he could _only_ dream of it now.

“Yes? Who is this?”

“Ah.. are you perhaps… Wang Jackson's Husband?” He didn’t like the sound of that, more so at the way the man was hesitant to continue.

“Yes this is he, my name is Mark. What is this call for? Is jackson okay?” He couldn’t help but to ask, his hands trembling as his feet began to feel weaker. He was scared, **_terrified,_** that the purpose of the call is something his heart cannot handle.

“_I’m sorry Mark-ssi…_”

And it wasn’t just something his heart couldn’t handle..

“**_Your husband is no longer with us_**.”

It was something that killed his heart a thousand times— killing him while he’s still alive.

Mark was stupefied, he could no longer process as his head repeated the words over and over. He could hear the man calling out for him, apologizing and giving his condolences. But mark could only hear his heart breaking.

_Jackson… his husband.. is **dead. **_

_“No…”_

“Mark-hyung?” Mark flinched as he spun around, letting go of the telephone as he looked at jinyoung with wide teary eyes. Jinyoung saw just that as his face morphed into one that is full of worries.

“Hyung.. are you okay?”

_“seunie…”_ Mark whispered, tears streaming down his face as his knees gave up, falling into the floor with a thud as jinyoung rushed to his side.

“Oh my god! Hyung? Hyung what happened?”

_“Seunie…… my seunie…”_ Mark sobbed, clutching to jinyoung who was nearly crying himself. He couldn’t believe it… he didn’t want to believe it. It was so painful, it was as if his heart was being torn out of his chest as he breathe.

_“jinyoung…seunie_ is… **_seunie's_ gone…”** Mark looked at jinyoung through blurry eyes, the younger gasping loudly at the news.

“Hyung..oh my god... hyung.. I’m so sorry..” Jinyoung whispered, hugging the crying man in his arms as he shed tears for the elder, scared to death to hear the same news about his husband’s situation but right now, mark needs him more than ever— putting his fears and worries aside to comfort his friend's grieving heart.

“_He’s gone… he’s not coming home.. he’s never coming home to me.. _

_I..can’t hug him anymore.. I cant kiss him, I wont hear his laugh or his corny jokes or his singing.. I won’t see his smile, his tears, his loving gaze_…” Mark sobbed, realization hitting him hard and painful.

** _“I… I no longer have my life.” _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes.

**Author's Note:**

> LET'S CRY TOGETHER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭


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